mom's friend sent her some blog post by some bleeding stupid 40-year old singaporean called derek wee (WHY do all the idiots have my surname why?!) whining about how singapore is such an insecure place, how old ppl (ie, 40 and above) fear for their jobs, how the pool of foreign "talent" (dismissively chucked between inverted commas) is really a tsunami that will consume us all (no actually he didn't say that, he probably said Fouren Talern Bery Bad.), how the reason why no one wants kids is that they're a liability in this world of fragile ricebowls, how the government really needs to save us from inevitable doom but they aren't because they are stick-shoved-up-ass elites who have no idea how the world works, yadayadayadayada.

i am inclined - too much, perhaps - to dismiss such people as crackpots. stupid crackpots. the sadder class. too often singaporeans - both the neighborhood poor and the red-taloned socialites - kid themselves into believing that our society, like most others, is compartmentalized by breeding. ridiculous. we are a tyranny of the capable and the clever, and the only other class is the complement.

sad derek attracted more than 50 comments praising him for his poignant views, joining him in a chorus of complaints that climax at the accusation of lack of press freedom because his all-too-true views had been rejected by the straits times forum. while i tend to gripe about how we only have one functioning newspaper too, i think the main reason for its lack of publication was that his incensed diatribe was written in pathetic little scraps that passed off as sentences, with poor
spelling and no grammar.

derek, derek, derek darling, how can you expect to have an iron ricebowl or a solid future if you cannot spell?

if you're not good enough, life will kick you in the balls. that's just how things go. there's no point in lambasting the government for making our society one that is, i quote, "far too survival of fittest". it's the same everywhere. yes discrimination exists, and it is sad, but most of the time if people would prefer hiring other people over you, it's because they're better. it's so sad when people like old derek lament the kind of world that singapore will be if we make it so uncertain. go be friggin communist, if uncertainty of success offends you so much - you will certainly be poor and miserable. unless you are an arm-twisting commie bully, which, given your whiny middle-class undereducated penchant, i doubt.

then again, it's easy for me to say. my future isn't certain but i guess right now it's a lot brighter than most people's. derek will read this and brand me as an 18-year old elite, one of the sinners who will inherit the country and run his stock to the gutter. go ahead. the world is about winners and losers. it's only sad when people who could be winners are marginalised and oppressed. is dear derek starving? has dear derek been denied an education? has dear derek been forced into child prostitution? has dear derek had his clan massacred by the government?

i should think not. dear derek is one of many wretched, undermotivated, overassuming leeches in our country, and in this world. one of those who would prefer to be unemployed and wax lyrical about how his myriad talents are being abandoned for the foreigner's, instead of earning a decent, stable living as a sales assistant. it's not even about being a road sweeper. these shitbags don't want anything without "manager" and a name card.

please, get out of my elite uncaring face.

whoa apparantly the fierce kids at acjc have some sort of fight club which proves that the chattering classes are not above petty violence when it comes to extra-curricular activities.

acjc kid 1: i say, shall we reconvene after school at a suitable locale to do most grievous bodily harm to one another

acjc kid 2: a most excellent proposition my good man, and may i first say that by the time our little altercation is over you will most surely have cried uncle

acjc kid 3: and might i be so bold as to suggest that we invite the other members of our class to this little after school soiree

acjc kid 1: by all means go ahead. after all, what could possibly go awry unless it appears on the front page of the new paper

and here i was thinking that only the proletariat were capable of such things. perhaps we are more alike than we like to think.

well apparantly in jc you are allowed to add 2 grades to your prelim score to get your projected results. so technically C is the new A. i'm just waiting for dead to be the new alive so i can kill myself and live off the insurance money.

wow our first ever class outing in like, i dunno, a year? and it happened only because sim yee was the only person to enter some contest which meant she won all 13 pairs of tickets.

but nevermind, the night listener is an okay show. better than aeon flux at any rate and before the show there was like the most suspect trailer i have ever seen. it was for some jap horror movie called death note. the plot (as far as i could tell) is about some notebook that kills anybody whose name is written in it.

the point is the entire time the trailer was playing, the background music wasn't some weird techno jap shit. it was dani california.

california rest in peace
some jap guy with some typical jap hairstyle speaking in jap

simultaneous release
some jap guy with some typical jap hairstyle writing in a notebook

california show your teeth
some jap girl wearing some jap schoolgirl uniform giving one of those typical jap girl blank looks

she's my priestess, i'm your priest
some jap horror flick demon laughing with that typical jap horror flick demon voice

yeah, yeah
some jap title on the screen

damm and i thought date movie was random

wow our first ever class outing in like, i dunno, a year? and it happened only because sim yee was the only person to enter some contest which meant she won all 13 pairs of tickets.

but nevermind, the night listener is an okay show. better than aeon flux at any rate and before the show there was like the most suspect trailer i have ever seen. it was for some jap horror movie called death note. the plot (as far as i could tell) is about some notebook that kills anybody whose name is written in it.

the point is the entire time the trailer was playing, the background music wasn't some weird techno jap shit. it was dani california.

california rest in peace
some jap guy with some typical jap hairstyle speaking in jap

simultaneous release
some jap guy with some typical jap hairstyle writing in a notebook

california show your teeth
some jap girl wearing some jap schoolgirl uniform giving one of those typical jap girl blank looks

she's my priestess, i'm your priest
some jap horror flick demon laughing with that typical jap horror flick demon voice

yeah, yeah
some jap title on the screen

damm and i thought date movie was random

omgwtfbbq whoever wrote this shit deserves to be awarded the public service star. screw JBJ these guys are the real deal. damm i only wish i could get to know them before they get arrested for sedition.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/National_University_of_Singapore

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Singapore_Management_University

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hwa_chong_institution

now is the winter of my discount tent says: dont worry as long as coms exist we'll always need com engineers

wtf joke function pawns says: yeah same with toilets

now is the winter of my discount tent says: shit maybe you shldnt have put it that way


hmmm apparantly i have just realised that i forgot to complete my post about my medical
checkup. well there wasn't really anything interesting about the rest of the experience although i thought having women's weekly, cleo and seventeen as the only available reading material in a waiting room full of 18 year old guys a bit weird. the only really crazy part was the MO

MO: so you got two balls and a dick
me: duh
MO: okayyyy any hernia fracture genital deformity drug allergy homosexuality substance abuse smoking problem tattoo hole in the heart
me: huh
MO: i'll take that as a no
me: uhhh sure

and then the killer moment. he looks up and delivers the line

MO: mannnnn, i'm tired

shit what do i do. if i pretend to be gay and flirt with him, maybe he'll give me PES E. but if i do he might think i am gay and try to take it to the next level. damm my entire ns life is like depending on how i react to some guy who may or may not be gay. finally i decide to play it safe and give up my shot at two years of clerkdom.

damm when i'm lying in the mud next year, i'm really going to regret not sucking dick.

From the Straits Times, 6th August 2006 (or next sunday if you will)

THE FORGOTTEN ONES

last week our correspondents brought you the first in a two part series of articles detailing recent changes to the singapore education landscape in the form of the sports school and the NUS high school. this week we turn our attention to that most famous of dumping grounds, FASS.

nestled in a neglected corner of kent ridge, the faculty of arts and social sciences is the last chance saloon for a eclectic mix of wannabe humanities scholars, washed out science fac students and people-who-filled-in-the-application-form-wrongly. as sociology undergraduate name withheld to protect dignity says, " nobody really knows what they're doing here, it's like we're already dead but we don't know it yet."

such attitudes are a constant source of concern for name withheld as he has applied for another job, dean of the faculty. he feels that many of his students are unmotivated and have no faith in their own futures when in fact, they should be overjoyed at the wide range of opportunities a degree from FASS will give them. "why only yesterday i lost my handphone and when i called singtel to cancel my SIM card, the guy from customer service told me he was from the department of history, class of 2001. and look at the number of our grads who sell credit cards or conduct surveys on orchard road, all bright young men and women."

to shake off it's image as that-place-you-go-to-if-you-screwed-up-the-law-fac-interview, the faculty has gone on an intensive publicity campaign featuring distinguished alumni. among those likely to be featured are former NMP steve chia and that guy who runs chippy british take away (the place where you get fried mars bars). before we leave the campus, the dean gives us a guided tour. on a wall in the foyer are brass plaques inscribed with important dates in the history of the social sciences. "one day if one of our graduates becomes the assistant to the assistant of one of those people, then i'll know our faculty has finally arrived on the world stage."

Dear PSG, Parents and Victorians,

Tomorrow, we will be celebrating our 130th Anniversary and the Official Opening of the school campus. This is a milestone in the history of Victoria School. Our school has come a long way since 1876. I believe that every members of the Victorian family is proud of this moment.

hmmm correct me if i'm wrong but i always thought the school campus opened way back in 2003. but i got the above info from the victoria school public website and as they say, if it's on the internet, it must be true! so what happened to all the time we spent studying for the o lvls in that building.

fuck i think we imagined it all. none of it actually happened. the entire time we thought we were studying in that building, we were probably in pods filled with a weird gooey substance and attached to buildings to provide energy. fuck no wonder there were so many weird new staff members at the new campus, they must have been the agents sent by the overmind to keep us all happy. and oh my god now i know why so many 3B people got expelled, they must have freed their minds and escaped the matrix.

the alternative explanation is that the entire time we were studying there, the campus was never certified as being structurally sound by the public works department. as such, it did not qualify for a temporary occupancy permit. which means that technically all of us were actually illegal squatters on government property. on the plus side for the school, if any of us got killed/beaten up, our parents couldn't do anything about it because you can't sue the administrators of a building that doesn't exist.